


his.

by miloron (ocoa)



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Gen, angst ????, i wasn't actually there in 2012 so might have skipped a couple of facts, is this a reader insert because lmao, pov: 2012 aron fansite, wowie sad hours open
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 05:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20718605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocoa/pseuds/miloron
Summary: Nothing compares to the heartbreak of watching them keep falling.





	his.

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: https://twitter.com/kwaks43/status/1174236473387864065?s=20
> 
> I really couldn't think of a summary sorry

The feeling isn’t familiar to you, not fully. It’s a pulling in your gut, the all consuming feeling of adoration that isn’t quite obsession but is loyalty and love and maybe something else because there’s no words that fully explain your decision to support him. It’s a thin line, you think, to toe, because you’ve seen others like you claim the others as theirs, but you know different. He isn’t yours, he is not an item but a person after all. But without a doubt you are his. At least for now.

Your parents call you insane.

Maybe it’s because you’re still young. You still have time. Time to look at this boy you’ve seen grow up since that fateful moment in 2012 when you first see him. Despite the heartache, and the pain, and the tears, and the desperation, you’re so proud of how far he- no, all 5 of them have come. But even then, you know that it’s getting to them, the inevitable. You see shadows in the corners of his smile, and even when his hands are clasping yours warmly, even when he says “thank you for supporting me for so long”, you don’t know what to say to encourage him. You’ve been feeling powerless for so long, and you start to wonder if the end was coming. You wish you could do something.

In the end, there’s not much you can do, except when his (_family, younger brothers, best friends_) group mates try a last ditch effort to save them. He’s not there, he’s not there but he is in spirit, so even when you can’t bring yourself to see them judged harshly, to see the hateful words that pour through social media you grip your phone and keep supporting them. He must be doing the same, you think, praying for that short term relief when the results come in and they’re not the ones who are sent home. You keep repeating that ritual for weeks, vaguely wondering if he’ll even come online. It’s almost as if he’s the one in the competition, he’s barely online at all.

And then it ends, and the happiness you feel when you see the pictures circulating that he’s there, in person, disappears because _only one of them made it_. It wasn’t fair, it _wasn’t fair_. And it’s heartbreak, and crying, and pain, and resignation. It was facing the truth of the situation, which has always loomed but never felt more concrete than in that moment.

Except it wasn’t the end.

There are new fans, fans that suddenly come pouring in, and your numbers jump by thousands. People come in, people who don’t know him, people who found him because of the others and people who love him.

And you can see him again, because their company gives them a concert, and there’s that feeling of hope, of joy, of _finally_.

“Thank you for loving even me,” he says that day, and something in you screams that he’s wrong, that they should thank him, for coming into their lives, for not leaving, for going strong, for loving, for singing, for _staying_. The words get stuck in your throat and your hands shake so hard you’re worried that the camera you hold would only capture the swell of tears that bubble in your throat. In the months that follow you see the darkness fade. When you see him again at their fansigns (when they promote as 4, and again when they return to 5) you see happiness.

You've never felt more happy to be his fan.

**Author's Note:**

> is this too obsessive?? i tried to make it more distanced i don't know if it's working. let me know, i don't want it to seem like ms fansite is actually in love with aron because that's weird LOL
> 
> then again i feel like being a fan does evoke similar checkmarks as a lover might except for the intimacy (so like, high on passion and commitment but low on intimacy, based on the Triangular Theory of Love which is a really cool read if you want to check it out)


End file.
